A narcissist doesn’t care about anything but himself or herself, so controlling you is just part of the game.
Expectations in Marriage
As a Christian woman that has been married for over 34 years, I believe that any “known” expectations need to be communicated as clearly as possible before you get married. If you expect him home for dinner every night, you need to say that. If you expect sex from her whenever you want, you need to say that. But you must understand that expectations change over time as well; but if the couple is mentally and emotionally mature, they should be able to discuss what works for them. You never know until you are in a marriage what a person is and what to expect.
The only thing any couple should expect and what should be established in the friendship part of dating is mutual caring, honesty, kindness, and respect. These expectations are always appropriate in any intimate relationship. When these basic expectations lose importance in a relationship, it will suffer. If I feel like you don’t “care”, we have a serious problem. If I feel like you are being disrespectful, then we have a serious problem. If you are being unkind to me or our children then we have a serious problem. Expect physical, emotional, and spiritual changes. Just because he was speaking in tongues when you met him, doesn’t mean he won’t have moments where he wrestles with God and his faith. Just because you met her snatched, doesn’t mean she will still have a six-pack after a C-section and or after giving birth. Just because he was always quick to communicate his feelings while dating, does not mean he will not have days or even a season when he shuts down.
So actually, the expectation is on us to establish a standard of how we want to be treated, and make selections during dating that already meet our basic expectations. The rest would be easier heading toward marriage if we were better at dating. Don’t date potential too long, and don’t marry him. Unless someone wants to change, potential stays potential, and then what???….your tail is frustrated and divorced. So the short of Expectations is Marriage is to set them within yourself before you get married and then voice the other stuff about how you would like your relationship to be.
Ezekiel
36:26
“I (God) will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”.
- God can change a person, you can’t.
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